I love him as much as I hate him
by Sisorine
Summary: A dark room, full of secret feelings and unconfessed desires. Two versions of the same scene, provided by Aomine's vantage point, then Kise's. The burden of the unspoken explode in silence... Rating [T] lime. Romance/Yaoi - [Aomine X Kise X Kuroko]
1. Aomine

_Hey guys, this is my first fanfiction, hope you enjoy it. It is actually a french original fanfiction, that I translated in English to share with more people. (Second chapter coming soon). Sorry for my bad english... If anyone would like to propose a better translation, go ahead^^ Here is the original text: s/10116134/1/Je-l-aime-autant-que-je-le-hais_

_The scene takes place between the two seasons of the anime (around chapter 75 in the manga). Kaijo just lost his match against Tôô. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own neither the Tadatoshi Fujimaki's manga, nor his characters. _

* * *

_"What are you thinking about, Aominecchi?"_

_"Huh?"_

Oh... I felt drowsy, but his childish voice wakes me up. He is lying down across the bed, tangled up in bed sheets, still warm of our frolics. He looks me behind this blond hair falling over his eyes. Kise has always the same whiny voice from a capricious little boy, even when he is talking about the most critical matters. However, when he gets serious, his eyes loose their warm. They turn into cold platinum marbles... Just like when we fought each other, during inter-high tournament preliminaries.

I stand up straight. 3:10 PM. The room is nevertheless dark because of the closed shutters.

_"You're supposed to play a match in less than an hour, you know that?"_ tells the blondie behind me.

Oh no... the match. I forgot it. Again... Well, I don't really care. It is anyway the same shit as usual, isn't it? Another useless fight, against a weak, unknown team so dull that it makes me want to cry... Playing against that bunch of morons would not help me to get out of a rut. To use my full potential.

When did I start to get bored while playing basketball? My favourite sport has become the worst. I should have known it when Satsuki warned me... All that passion backfired.

"_I won't go to the match"_ I say, shrugging my shoulders and picking up the black and red Tôô Gakuen jersey.

Wakamatsu is gonna get mad again... well, nevermind.

I hear Kise behind me. He also dresses up with the Kaijô jersey, whose the deep blue color highlights his golden eyes and hair.

"_You didn't give me an answer. What were you thinking about?"_

I keep my mouth shut for a while and continue to dress. If Kise asks me that again, he knows that I'm going to leave without saying a word. He wants to bring the subject up for so long, although he knows how much I want to avoid it. That's why I already dressed, ready to bugger off, without even sharing a last embrace.

_"You were thinking about him again. Weren't you?"_

Here we go... Exactly what I dreaded.

_"Shut up"_ I reply sharply. This foul sentence seems to confirm Kise's concerns though, because he adds:

_"That's exactly what I thought..."_

_"I said: shut up."_

_"Or what? You're go__nna hit __me, Aominecchi?"_

I frown in a fit of pique. What the fuck... Is that my reputation now? Aomine the violent guy? The unstoppable bastard, incapable of feeling anything during a match? People admire my skills but reject my personality. Only a few of them knew who I really was... including Kise.

And this tiny blue-haired guy.

When he looks my face, Kise understands he hit a raw nerve. His golden eyes light up with a sensation of victory. My jaw clench in a rictus of anger; and before he realizes what happens, I knocked him fiercely to the wall.

God damnit... This jerk pissed me off.

I pin him there and rip his shorts. My rudeness hurts him; I'm already spaced out but I can hear him moaning.

****Well, you souldn't have test my patience like that**** I think, catching a tuft of this blond and silky hair with my free hand to pull it back.

I won't go to the match, because I don't want behold what I lost once again. Each time I see a basketball court, the same bitter memories rushes up to me. And this deadly boredom pushed us apart. It took away from me the only one person I wanted sincerely team up with...

Yet Tetsu dropped me. It's been a long time by now. He found another light. He looks thin and pale, but he didn't hesitate to replace me by someone else.

I let out a sigh. What a disgrace... I've been replaced by this... this red-haired moron.

Yeah, Satsuki warned me. ****You're the one who left him**** she told me. ****You denied his fist bump and you drifted away from him. You completely ignored him**** She was right, of course. I shouldn't let this indifference makes the divide larger between us. Yet, before I realized that, it was too late. Testu was already gone.

A light can shine by itself, but a shadow can't exist without light. He had to find someone else, otherwise, he wouldn't be full. Complete.

And here we stand because of my vanity and because of his silence. If I were able to put my pride aside... Or if he ran after me... Everything might be different.

_"Aominecchi... It hurts..."_

Kise breaths and moans with both pleasure and pain. I used him because I thought he could fill the emptiness inside me -but it doesn't work at all. It's the complete opposite: the harder I try, the less it works.

I have no more energy, no more desire, no taste in my mouth. We both collapse limply onto the mattress. I barely take the time to catch my breath and dress again as if nothing had happened; then I leave the room silently.

Kise can't fill this emptiness. I know it's not his fault... but still, I resent him for that.

I love him as much as I hate him.


	2. Kise

_Here is finally the second (and last) chapter. Hope you like it. Sorry again, I feel my translation is worse than ever^^'_

* * *

Is he sleeping? No... he's thinking. Or maybe he is floating between two worlds. It's hard to say; his breath is calm, his body don't move at all. His skin merges with the darkness of this place.

It's amazing to gaze down on him... When he is awake, Aomine's forehead is two scornful folds; he always stares at people with an arrogant pride, because he's so self-assured. It's the opposite when he's asleep: his muscles relax and his face becomes the face of that person again... The person he used to be. The guy who knew how to smile and have fun with his friends. The guy who teached me how to play basketball.

I shouldn't be kidding myself. I know perfectly well who is hauting his mind.

_"What are you thinking about, Aominecchi?"_

_"Huh?"_

Crap... I woke him up. Why did I ask such a thing? I can't help myself. From asking that even if I know it would screw everything up. Ruin everything although we were sharing a rare peaceful moment.

Share?... No. This man doesn't share anything. The only one person with which he wanted to share anything, doesn't accept him anymore.

Aomine has a glance at me before straightening up. From the moment he's awake, he always instinctively uses his solid sense type, in order to analyze everything around him. His skills grant him near instant calculation of an object's distance in space. He even doesn't knowingly do that anymore.

His deep blue eyes didn't remain longer upon me than upon the walls or the furniture.

_"You're supposed to play a match in less than an hour, you know that?"_ I say, hiding the displeasure in my voice as usual.

He doesn't seem to care about that at all.

_"I won't go to the match_" he answers, shrugging his shoulders and beginning to dress.

I should have known it. Aomine never stays after we slept together: he always leaves right after. We never talked about that, but he obviously doesn't want anyone can see us together. All he wants is satisfy his ephemeral desires, and too bad for the rest...

Well, I'm sick of it. This situation weights me down.

He won't get away so easily.

_"You didn't give me an answer. What were you thinking about?"_

****You can't escape this time, Aomine. I don't plan to let you go before you answer me.**** I slip into my shorts, in order to be ready to follow him if he's about to leave.

As usual, the ace player of the generation of miracles keeps his mouth shut. I can't see his face because he turns his back to me. Jeez... Only the hard way can truly work with Aomine: to drive him into a corner.

_"You were thinking about him again. Weren't you?"_

Here. The bombshell is dropped. The muscles of the dark neck are tensing under the tufts of blue hair.

_"Shut up"_

_"That's exactly what I thought..."_

_"I said: shut up."_

I let out a disappointed sigh.

_"Or what? You're go__nna hit __me, Aominecchi?"_

****Just as you hit Wakamatsu or anybody who dared to displease you?**** I'm tempted to add. Although Aomine is one of the most powerful player in Japan, in privacy he's still a coward.

When his offended face turns towards me, I hold his gaze with defiance and coldness, because I can see I had hit the nail on the head. So what? Am I so weak that I don't deserve him? What could Kuroko give him that I couldn't? I am fed up with hiding in a dark room and merely having his leftovers... Oh, god, I was so close to make him understand that, over our last match together...

I can barely see a rictus of anger on his face; the next moment my back is banging against the wall. And Aomine is already upon me before I could get anything. His rough movements cause me to whinge in pain and frustration.

_"No... get out of me..."_

I hate him! I'm dying to tell him a few home truths. Actually I'd willingly do, if I wasn't convinced he is already aware of all that. ****Pack it in, you selfish dumbass. It's YOUR fault that Kuroko left! And you ain't gotta use me****

That's what I'd like to say. Yet Aomine is suffering and I enjoy this pain... Because as long as he feel rejected, he will come back to that room, even for a single night, for a few hours, for just an embrace.

_"Aominecchi... It hurts..."_

I'm such a fool. I'm... hopeless. Held in the shadow, treated like scum, yet I'm still asking for more... I'd like to tell him everything is over, once and for all. I know he'd stop if I ask him to. I only have to say the word.

But I also know that my addiction is going further. That's why I settle for that position since the beginning. To be here when he commands so. To bow to his whims. His desires.

I'm... just... utterly hooked.

Our huddled, panting bodies collapse limply onto the mattress. The Kaijô's team basketball jersey that I'm wearing is bathing in sweat, as it is after a match. And as usual, Aomine puts his shoes on and leaves the room right after. A few seconds later, his shape has already vanished silently into the light from the door.

I think I could never forgive him for becoming that bastard who perfectly well knows what I feel about him, but who shrugs it off. He's so different from the guy who teached me basketball... The guy who watched me play over and over, and criticized the way I moved or I shot hoops, then burst out laughing.

Kuroko stole that person away from me and I resent him for that. But I resent Aomine so much more.

I love him as much as I hate him.


End file.
